


The Witch of Twerk

by sodypop97



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Comedy, Ships are irrelevant, Twerking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-19
Updated: 2013-01-19
Packaged: 2017-11-26 03:19:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/645987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sodypop97/pseuds/sodypop97
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I now interrupt your serious shipping feels with a fresh batch of idiocy. <3</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Witch of Twerk

Your name is Meenah Peixes, and you have just been twerked on by a certain Damara Megido. You stand, dazed, as she struts away. What the actual glub? How are you supposed to react to that? Who would've thought that some east Beforan chick would be such a skilled tweakier? Like. How. You might be jealous of her moves if you weren't so traumatized right now.

And as she begins to leave your sight, you have to wonder who will be the next victim. Is this the beginning of some vicious twerking spree? You hear a disgruntled cry. Aw shell to the no. You highfin it in the opposite direction.

\-----

Your name is Horuss Zahhak, and you have just been twerked on by a certain Damara Megido. That lewd, lewd girl... You cling to Horseaponi for security as sweat streams down your face. "Dear Horseaponi, why?" you whimper. You feel so very violated. Perhaps your matesprit will provide further comfort.

You climb up the stairs and across the bridge to Rufioh only to find him clinging to the tree behind him with a disturbed expression. "Oh no," you sweat. "Not you too!"

He looks at you and nods slowly. "Doll's got her twerk on."

\-----

Your name is Meenah Peixes, and you've just stumbled upon Porrim and her dancestor. She looks at you, annoyed that you're interrupting whatever they're talking about. "Porrim. Uh, we got a twerker on the loose," you say.

She narrows her eyes. "... What?"

"Damara. I cod a reelin that she's goin on a twerkin spree. We need to stop her."

A look of comprehension enters Porrim's face. "I see," she says gravely. "Kanaya, I'm afraid we'll have to take a break for now. I must catch a twerker. I suggest that you go protect your matesprit," Porrim says to a blush and a nod from Kanaya, who leaves.

Porrim turns to you. "Let's catch her."

\-----

Your name is Porrim Maryam, and you are on the trail of a vicious twerker. You kneel by Horseaponi and examine the wooden floor. "Sweat stains," you observe. "He's been here recently." You catch Peixes rolling her eyes a bit.

"Yeah. I heard him shout. She twerked on him," she says in a bored tone.

The both of you continue along the structure until you find Rufioh and Horuss clinging to each other. They look at you in horror. "Have you fallen victims to the wild twerker?" you inquire.

"Yes," they whimper in unison.

"Dear glubbin cod. She only twerked on you. Suck it up," Meenah groans, to a dirty look from you.

"Let's go. That way," you order. You and Meenah backtrack a little until you reach a beach of brain coral. The ground has a rut in it. "Looks like Mituna crash-landed here. Hopefully he made it out before Damara found him."

"Do you want me to get you a magnifying glass and fedora or somefin?" Meenah snarks.

\-----

Your name is Latula Pyrope, and you have just saved your matesprit from what would certainly have been his demise. The two of you were chilling, you watching over his crash-landed body. Then that Megido came. She stood over Mituna and you shot her a warning. "Touch him and I'll fucking kill you!" you said with a smile.

Then her pelvis went into fits of mad gyrations. That's when you ripped your matesprit (who at this point was twitching and scream-babbling) away from her and got away on your jetboard.

Now you're hiding out with him at the Dersite castle part of the dream bubble, as he rests his fit off. Not rad, Megido. Not rad.

\-----

Your name is Porrim Maryam, and you and Meenah have just entered the residential section of the dream bubble. You walk out of Karkat's door, and there's Damara, twerking on Cronus. There's only one thing in your strife deck that can take her down. You equip... Thongkind. "MEGIDO," you call.

She looks at you defiantly and waves, still twerking on Cronus. You growl and rush forward, thong at the ready. Meanwhile, Meenah leans against a wall and scoffs.

You toss your thong over Damara's head, crotch right on her face, and pull back. "Actually I don't mind - " Cronus awkwardly objects, but no one pays attention.

She's wrangled in your thong now. Then she turns towards you and presses you against a hive. Then the hips. Oh god no. "Meenah! Help!" you murmur, dodging the twerks. She doesn't. "Cronus?" you resort, but he's too busy enjoying the cat fight and probably doesn't want to break it up.

That's it. Time to use the maximum power of thongkind. You grip the straps. "RELEASE THE FURY OF THE THONG!" you shout. The thong starts glowing and then there's an explosion of light.

\-----

あなたの名前はダマラ人MEGIDOであり、あなたがTWERKINGための情熱を持っている。オーケー。いまいち。あなたはただ退屈している。と角質。いつものように。だからあなたは人々にTWERKED。しかし、その後MARYAM娼婦はうるさいとなった。彼女があなたの頭の上に下着を投げた。変態雌犬。それでは、明るい光のいくつかの並べ替えは、彼女の下着から噴出した。しかし、真剣に。それはきれいにされていますか？ヌック残基があなたの顔にこすりつけた？まあまあ。あなたはそれを非常に気にしない。

とにかく。下着は輝いていた。衝撃波はあなたを投げた。今、あなたは女の子からカップルヤードを座っている。オーケー。性交何。彼女は革手袋を着用しています。彼女はカミソリの刃の下着を持っています。女をクソ。だから変なクソ。

\-----

Your name is Porrim Maryam and you are now wielding the awesome upgraded RAZORTHONGKIND. You swing it in the air as you near Damara. "Perhaps this will end your twerking days," you growl.

She's sitting, and you spread her legs apart and kneel between them. "これは、物事が行く方法ですか？変態雌犬。" she teases. You don't understand, but you - 

"Oh my cod are you seariously gonna make her wear a razorblade thong? Glubbin insane," Meenah comments.

You narrow your eyes and look at the crotch of Damara's red underpants. "The twerk must be stopped."

"私に教訓を教える。てください。" Damara pleads. "あなたの性器を持つ。" Meanwhile, Cronus appears to be drooling a little.

\-----

Your name is Meenah Peixes and you're starting to think you're the only sane one in this entire glubbin bubble. You push past Cronus and stand beside Damara and Porrim. "Yo. Put down the thong."

"ああ、三人組？これは楽しみになってきている。CRONUS。彼は視聴できます。" she said, to a thin "Vwha?" from Cronus, hearing his name.

"Yeah, shore, whatever Megido. Now Porrim. The thong."

She tosses it and you have to dodge a little so it won't rip your arm off. "Dammit, Porrim - " you start but then see that the two are kissing it up. "That's it. I hate you all," you announce as you leave the scene.

\-----

Your name is Kankri Vantas and you have just blown your whistle. Everyone present groans. "This fanfic is mindless," you cross your arms. "And is most likely triggering all who read it. And now that the fourth wall has been broken, everyone must be even more uncomfortable. I apologize for that, but I just had to intervene in order to stop this ridiculousness from continuing. Ladies, please, separate yourselves. No one wishes to see that. Don't give me that look, Porrim. I know it's not your true intention to be kissing Damara. The author is just a sick bastard - excuse my language - who takes joy in writing sloppy, triggering fanfic, and she's the one making you do it. Now Cronus..."

\-----

Your name is Mituna Captor and 7H3N 3VV3RY11 3XPL0D3TH 7H3 3NDNDNDNDNDNDND

**Author's Note:**

> Like oh my god please take the time to translate Damara's part you don't know how long that took me to do


End file.
